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My mother died in January 2010. She was a resident of Virginia.
I was named Executor and have been given the Letter of Qualification from the probate office.
Everything is straightforwared except that -
I need advice on how to handle some of the personal property listed in the
Will that is the source of very bitter contention between me and my sisters.
I am being very careful not to show any outward hostility to my sister in my role as Executor, but I am looking for advice on how to recover personal property that was taken before my mother died and whether I can keep items that go to my sisters in the Will but that my mother subsequently orally gave to me. I think I have some leverage as Executor but don't want to do anything that would get me removed.
The issues are:
- An item listed in the Will that goes to my sister was taken from the house before my mother died. I believe my sister has it. How do I list this in the inventory? I would like to indicate that it was removed without permission, but that’s not a lot of satisfaction in doing that since my sister ends up getting it anyway.
- Miscellaneous items taken by my sister from my mother’s house that should now be mine, since I get all the unlisted personal property. I wrote a letter to my sister when my mother was still alive asking the whereabouts of these items, but my letter was ignored by my sister. I did manage to recover two of the missing items that turned out to be in my sister’s possession, so I know she took things, but if confronted now, my sister can just say my mother gave the other missing items to her, and I cannot disprove her except for the letter I previously sent.
- A box of love letters that my sister took and gave to our niece. These were clearly marked “do not open and burn upon my death” in my mother’s handwriting. My mother was extremely upset to learn these had been taken, but was afraid to confront my sister and niece directly so she had me write a separate letter to them which was also ignored. I really want these letters returned to be able to honor my mother’s wishes. I would like to see if there is a way to have distribution of the Estate delayed indefinitely until they are returned to me. That is the only leverage I see that I have.
- My mother was very upset at my sister over a variety of issues and shortly before she died she told me that she wanted me to have two antique corner cupboards that she listed in the Will for my sister. My mother wanted to change the Will to do this, but died before she could. I had durable power of attorney with the ability to give gifts and transfer property, so I could have done this on my own when my mother was alive, and have evidence of my mother’s displeasure with my sister. I want to keep these cupboards quite honestly to spite my sister, but my sister will be very upset if she does not get them, and I am afraid that the Will would override my power of attorney and she could challenge my position as Executor if I try this. I would definitely go to court for Aid and Advice over this if for no other reason that I could get a forum to expose what my sister did to my mother, but I don’t want to lose my Executor position for trying. I need advice on whether this would be a wise move on my part, or if there is some other way of delaying the transfer of these cupboards past the 9 months that is allowed in the Will.
- My sister slandered me to friends, family, and officials over the past year – accused me of stealing, using drugs, being mentally unstable, abusing my mother, failing to give her proper care, etc. All are untrue and she made these up out of whole cloth. I would like to sue my sister for slander, but have no idea if that is just a pipe dream.
Here is the history of the situation.
After my father died in 2001, my mother moved in my sister’s basement in-law suite in North Carolina and paid $1,000 per month rent to my sister – this did not include any private home care costs. My mother became increasingly unhappy living with my sister – my sister berated and belittled her, and isolated her from meeting new people. My sister ended up moving my mother out of the mother in law suite to a small bedroom to make room for my sister’s daughter and baby, and still expected her to pay the same rent. That was the last straw as far as my mother was concerned.
So three years ago I moved my mother, at her request, from my sister’s house in North Carolina back to her home in Arlington Virginia. My mother was in excellent mental health and very independent, but needed help with meals, getting to the store etc. I felt strongly enough about the need to get my mother to a place she was happy that I retired earlier than I had intended so I would have enough time to spend with her. She offered (and I accepted) $2,000 per month payment to cover the loss of my income so I could come over and take her to the store, doctors appointments, etc. I have a notarized letter from my mother that allowed me this monthly payment. My sister was extremely upset at me for moving her, and my mother did not want my sister to know any thing about how she spent her money. My sister was always prying and trying to find out how much my mother was worth. She opened my mother’s mail without permission and saw one of the $2,000 payments to me and accused me of stealing. My mother asked me not to tell my sister about her payments to me, so I said nothing.
I have been in charge of her bank accounts since my father died (who left her approximately $1 million in stocks and real estate, plus a $50,000 per year government pension. I was always very careful to make sure she lived within her means and did not spend more than her yearly income to protect her wealth from diminishing.
Several months after she moved back home, she had a small stroke and I had to move her to a top quality assisted living facility run by the Prince William County Virginia Hospital system. My sister became even more upset at me for this, since she always planned on taking care of my mother at her home. The assisted living facility in my and my mother’s opinion was a much better choice, and my mother was very happy living there, and met many new friends.
From then on, my sister became disruptive to the staff when she visited, and constantly undermined me and challenged my position as power of attorney.
She told my mother that I was always on the cell phone and that this was because I was stealing her money to buy drugs, and at one point told my mother that I had a brain tumor. She filed a bogus abuse case against me (that was immediately dismissed) and accused the facility of providing inadequate care. She continuously told my mother that she was feeble minded, and brought up old family issues that caused my mother to not be able to sleep at night. She told my mother, everyone in my family and my friends from the old neighborhood these lies about me, which I have confirmation of.
After my mother moved out of her house to the assisted living facility, my sister got my mother to agree to let my sister’s 40 year old son (who got into financial trouble) to live at mothers house in Arlington rent free for one year and no lease. I had planned to rent the house for approximately $2,000 per month but took pity on him initially. He stayed there past his year, and balked at leaving and refused to pay rent. He basically took over the house and made it very uncomfortable for me or my mother to visit.
During the year he was there, I noticed that every time my sister visited, certain of my mother’s antique collectibles and personal items were no longer there – in my opinion my sister felt entitled to take any thing she wanted since my mother would most likely never need them – but they were not given to her by my mother, and my mother was extremely upset that she was taking things. Every time I confronted my sister, she would make up more outlandish lies about me.
My mother got to the point that she was so upset about things my sister said and did that she could not sleep at night and her blood pressure rose as a result of her anxiety, which was observed by the nurse. My mother had a stroke the next day, and could not eat or drink any longer, and passed away under hospice care two weeks later. Before she died, my mother said she was afraid of my sister and wanted to know if there was any way to
stop her from visiting.
Although I can certainly distribute the assets at any time to my sister and then forget about it all, I don’t think that is what my mother would want me to do. I am also admittedly angry at being portrayed as a thief and drug addict when I did so much for the three years I looked after my mother.
I would like to not let my sister get away with her behavior, and would like to see if there
are any legal ways to set things straight.
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