Twins born after wife's affair - My son is not the father

 My son just had a paternity test on is twins and discovered that he is not the father.The babies are now 1 1/2 years old. We are both devastated. His wife is acting like this is not a big deal and it is our choice to stay in the babies life, or not. She refuses to recognize that what she did was horrible. She has been taking advantage of both of us all this time. I have provided financial help and lots babysitting time. My son has been taking care of twins since they were born (she comes from works and just watches TV) and he even lost his job for taking too much time off. She is saying that, if he refuses to take care of the babies, he will have to leave the house. He does not want to leave his other 9 year old daughter behind with this crazy women. He cannot look for a job if he is taking care of two babies.

Can my son use in court what his wife did to him get his daughter custody?  

Can I sue my daughter in law for causing me so much pain and distress?

Xochilt:

Can my son use in court what his wife did to him get his daughter custody?  

Yes.  Will it work? Maybe.  Custody typically favors the primary caregiver which is usually Mom.  If he can demonstrate that he is the primary caregiver for the children he could be awarded custody.  It isn't easy and he will need a VERY skilled lawyer to fight that battle since custody typically favors mothers.

Xochilt:

Can I sue my daughter in law for causing me so much pain and distress?

No.  What she did was wrong but not compensable via civil suit.  

Your son needs legal advice like yesterday --there is a very serious problem that in general failure to make a prompt challange of kids being your kids , especially if married, creates a near cast in stone requirement that you, not the real bio father , get to pay for all this just as if they were your real bio kids --and the real bio father of course probably gets off scot free.  In a sense hubby pays for wife's adultry.

I have no clue if its now fatally too late --but I'd sure be gettting some CA specific guidance.

I don't think you have a leg to stand on for getting paid for your voluntary services.

If Dad married a woman to lazy to get off her benind and care for  her kids then he is at least 50% to blame for that?

Look, I would agree I'd not be happy to care for some other dude's kids born to my cheating wife but the law probably was designed to protect kids--not wayward parents.

Xochilt:

My son just had a paternity test on is twins and discovered that he is not the father.The babies are now 1 1/2 years old.

Out of curiouslty, what happened to make your son question his paternity after 1.5 years?  I'm not an attorney, but you can bet that he will have an uphill battle trying to "unring" the Daddy-bell on the twins.  Bet he's on the birth certificate, right?

He needs to discuss his options with a local attorney and not give any advance warning to Mom.  You can provide emotional and finacial support if you so desire, but you don't have a dog in this hunt.

This, by itself, isn't a sufficient basis to get custody.  She's a cheater, but that doesn't make her a bad mother.

Your son could have avoided this by getting paternity testing done 17 months ago.  You guys chose to believe this woman, and that's normally on you.  Lying to other people normally doesn't give rise to any legal liability.  If you could sue her, you should also sue your son for not asserting his rights earlier, right?

Consult an attorney.  This is a huge mess.  If the 9 year old was born within a marraige, he'd normally have the right to just get up and leave with her, and he could file for custody.  She doesn't sound like someone who would get off the couch and bring the fight TO him.

So what is dad's end goal here? Does he want to walk away from the kids and be free of any responsibilities or does he want to keep custody? He needs to talk to a family law  attorney to see if paternity can be legally challenged, or if he is stuck. Was this an at home DNA test he did? if Dad wants to remain legal dad he is primary care giver the problem is..mom can try to pull all these nasty games and possibly dispute paternity anyways and she might try to hunt down the twins bio dad and ask him to get involved. Dad needs skilled counsel now to see what he can do and what mom might be able to pull..if any.

Thank you for your advice, I will pass this onto my son.

Yes, he is seeing an attorney today. We learned that in CA you have 2 years to dipute paternity, so there is still time. Thank god.

His goal is to dispute the twins paternity and get the custody of his daughter. The problem is that is lost his job for missing so much work for taking care of the babies. Mother would just get uop and leave to work each morning. He is looking now, but he is getting desperate.

One of the twins was born with blue eyes. Mother is african american and we are mexican. The Doctor gave an explanation on the buel eyes. My gradfather had blue eyes. We now feel very stupid for choosing to belive.

If Dad is primary care giver then he can file for custody of the daughter. I would stop listening to mom. Mom may have to find who the bio Dad is though. Dad needs to act on this ASAP. He needs to get a court approved DNA test and go through the legal channels to remove his name from birth cert. This is a sad case all around because mom lied and cheated. The twins have bonded with you and Dad. I really wish something could be done to keep moms from committing paternity fraud but Dad's need to be more viligant in demanding DNA tests. Since they are married there is an automatic presumption of paternity. Good luck to him. Dad can also file for child support and temp,. spousal support since mom has the twins to care for....the courts may not order her to pay much. If mom kicks dad out....I would be taking the daughter with him. Are there any grand parents involved on moms side? Personally if I were Dad...I would be packing up and leaving while mom is at work after I made sure the babies were being properly watched by someone. Dad should file for divorce and custody of the daughter ASAP.

Xochilt:

One of the twins was born with blue eyes. Mother is african american and we are mexican. The Doctor gave an explanation on the buel eyes. My gradfather had blue eyes. We now feel very stupid for choosing to belive.

 

Well, you really can't tell paternity (nor maternity!) by the way a child looks.    Many come here saying, "the child doesn't look like ME", but that is not dispositive.

Blue eyes are a recessive gene and CAN show up in these circumstances, though it is less likely.  Blue/green eyes on a baby have started many unwarranted fights about paternity, so it was wise to use DNA... not eye color.

Thank you, this is very helpul. My son's lost his job because he was missing work as a result of taking care of two babies. He is looking for a job now as this is the only way out of this mess. He has even been paying child care since the babies were born, so most of his paychek was going to this, and she knew this all this time. She has been verbally and emotionally abusing my son in front of his children for mistakes he made 8 years ago and what she had already forgiven. I know now that she was trying to make him look bad so that she looked better and to make him leave before she had to face what she did. We know who is the father (a 20 year old and the mother is 34)  Her parents are not local and they have never done anything to help this family. I have, in many different ways. Mother has not even apologized to me; she is a coward,

"I really wish something could be done to keep moms from committing paternity fraud"

YES!  This is a crime!  THIS IS FRAUD! and it brings soooo much grief to so many people!  How can women like that get away with this crime while other people goes to jail for a  lot less than that?

Xochilt:

"I really wish something could be done to keep moms from committing paternity fraud"

YES!  This is a crime!  THIS IS FRAUD! and it brings soooo much grief to so many people!  How can women like that get away with this crime while other people goes to jail for a  lot less than that?

If a woman is having sex with more than one person at a time, she likely doesn't know for sure who the father may be.  I'm assuming son was having sex with her also or he would have been alerted immediately when she announced her pregnancy.

If son chose a wife unwisely, well, just thank goodness there IS DNA now.  Used to be dad was stuck with it.

I understand you being upset, but nothing you have said makes her crazy.  Nothing you have said would be a reason for her not to have physical custody of all of the children.  The father of the twins being 20 - well more and more it is acceptable for women to have relationships with younger men.  That doesn't increase your son's likelihood of getting custody at all.

The courts are likely to give ALL of the children to the primary care taker.   The courts do not like to split siblings apart.

He has to dispute paternity of the twins and he can file for custody of his daughter, but you have to understand the courts prefer to keep all children together.  It is important he moves quickly about disputing paternity. Each state has different guidelines and some have very limited time constraints to do that. 

Sorry, but it isn't fraud. If she had sex with both parties she had no way to know who actually fathered the children.

You need to support your son but you need to be calm. You aren't a party to this and you are only going to exacerbate their situation.