Connecticut Lifetime Alimony

I am a husband and have been researching the web but cannot seem to get any type of answer or find any case or example in Connecticut similar to mine.

She wants a divorce, I dont.

Been married 10 1/2 years, second marriage for each of us.  I am in mid 50s, she is mid 40s. We have no children together. She has 2 children from prior marriage both over the age of 18 and graduated from high school.  I make approx 90K annually from one job.  She gets SS disability of approx 12K annually and 4-6K from freelance jobs.  House mortgage is approx $140K with estimated value of approx $145K.  House is in my name before marriage and still is only in my name. We own no real estate together. We have no stocks, bonds, IRAs, CDs, or anything like that.  I have approx 50K in a 401K amount.  At time of marriage she held a good job working (of all things) in a law firm which she gave up when moving here with 2 minor children at the time and the intent was that she would only work part time.  All bank accounts total approx $12k.  I came into marriage with house and mortgage and approx $3K in bank.  She came into marriage with no assets but lots of debt.  Her former husband owes quite a large substantial sum of court-ordered unpaid child support and unpaid medical payment compensation for her 2 children.  No infidelity that could be proven either way.  No violence in the marriage either way (no arrests, complaints, etc) I have a college degree, she has a high school diploma. We have 2 cars near equal value, one paid off, one I make payments on.

The consensus from many friends some of whom are in the legal field appears to be this.

a. Because of the CT ten year rule (explained to me as not a law but generally a guideline), she is guaranteed to receive alimony for life.

b. Because she is on SS disability she is guaranteed to receive alimony for life.

c. More than likely she will be awarded all of the 401K.

d. There is no equity in the house so I'll more than likely keep it if I can pay for it.

e. Any debt she brought into the marriage is nullified because I willingly agreed to pay it.

f. Any back child support and medical reimbursement owed from her ex-husband is nullified because I agreed to pay these expenses for her children. (that is an issue with me because I paid these expenses and she could still get reimbursement from the former husband). Since one child is in college and I began paying some of the college bills, I will have to pay some compensation for this since a precedent has been established.

h. She is on Medicare Part B, but will receive lifetime compensation for medical expenses.

i. Even though her children are over 18 and graduated high school, she is entitled to medical insurance benefits for her children because I would have covered them until age 26 anyway under my medical coverage.

j. She'll get the car that is paid off.

The consensus is that she will receive "permanent spousal support" for life at approx 45-60% of whatever I make that will be adjusted accordingly.

I always hear cases about alimony (I guess the proper term now is spousal support) but I do not see discussions about how medical insurance is handled.

The child in college and medical benefits sounds a lot like child support to me (that will shrewdly be lumped into alimony if she has a smart atorney). Also sounds like support that their biological father is not even responsible for.

I welcome any estimates, comments, or opinions from everyone. I understand that it all falls on how good her attorney is and what the attitude of the judge is.  I am merely looking to try to find what the odds are.

If you are an attorney in CT and offer a free initial consultation I would like to hear from you.

Thank you all for reading.

You really need to consult with your own attorney; a lot of what your sources say are incorrect.

You have no obligations in regard to her children unless you formally adopted them.  If you helped out, great.  But you have NO obligation to do so, then, now or later.

Alimony for life?  Not necessarily.  Often it is until she re-marries or gets on her feet.  !0 years may garner some but it is not a real long term marriage.  Consult with a local attorney.  None from CT respond on this board, so call around.

Assets accumulated during the marriage are split equitably.

You can't insure anyone not married to (nor HER children after divorce).

Thank you for one quick response. I probably cannot add anyone to my medical benefits, but the compensation in alimony will effectively do so.

I also forgot to mention, her legals fees will be on me.

foolishman:

I probably cannot add anyone to my medical benefits, but the compensation in alimony will effectively do so.

PERHAPS her, but not her children.  You have no responsibility for them, legally.

foolishman:

I also forgot to mention, her legals fees will be on me.

Possibly.  Instead of taking advice from well meaning friends and family who don't know the law and appear to be assuming what will happen you need to hire your own lawyer.  Skilled counsel can mitigate a lot of damage.  You cannot stop her from getting a divorce but you can stop her from taking you to the cleaners.  Consult local counsel.

foolishman:

She wants a divorce, I dont.

Then she'll get it. When one wants out, one gets out.

foolishman:

The consensus from many friends some of whom are in the legal field appears to be this.

You're friends could be janitors or window washers in a building full of lawyers. If they are not divorce lawyers, their consensus means nothing.

foolishman:

If you are an attorney in CT and offer a free initial consultation I would like to hear from you.

If you expect a lawyer to contact you from here, it's not likely going to happen. Lawyers don't generally troll here looking for clients. Use the lawyer search feature to the right, google, or your local yellow pages. Then start making phone calls.

I also agree that most of your consensus is wrong.

Much of it is subject to negotiation. If you can negotiate something with her that you can both live with and do it without paying lawyers, you'll be ahead of the game.

But if she gets a lawyer then you'll need one, too.

Going up against a lawyer without one of your own is like bringing a rubber knife to a gunfight. You'll be the one to end up on the ground bleeding.

If she wants a divorce--I'll also give odds that she has already staged and timed various fact patterns to her advantage with the help of armchair experts who may be close enough to correct as to hurt.

I think its time to shut up and go get a paid legal gladiator of your own -darn soon. Close off all ways to drain down any accounts under your control like ASAP and make no payments on her behalf w/o input from counsel

What you may move out of harms way or encumber to your advantage is best discussed with counsel--but the time to act is BEFORE she does.

Its not quite as bad as you post--but I'll bet she has a good head start.

Did her disability arise while married to you or before?

You need to consult with a good attorney NOW. Much of what you have told is incorrect. You can fight the lifetime alimony....I would offer 5 years but see what an attorney says. Also her children are not yours, once divorced they are not your dependents. You probably will not be ordered to carry them on your insurance. Her kids are grown they will have to get jobs that offer benefits if they want them. Stop listening to your friends and of course, dont listen to her. Interview a few attorneys and go with the one that will fight for you.

Thanx all and Yes I made an appointment for an attorney consultation.  The friends include 2 ladies that are legal secretaries at divorce law firms, one in CT and one in NY.

I agree I need legal counsel, but just wanted to see what opinions and/or ideas may show up on this forum.

Well I met with 4 diffferent attorneys for consultation.  One of them I'll disqualify because the consultation was more or less 1/2 hour of trying to get me to write a check for a $5000 retainer fee. Jerk.

All of the other 3 attorneys feel that the wife is holding the cards.  There are 3 judges in the court where my case would be heard, 2 men and one lady.  We want to avoid the lady judge like the plague.  The wife is holding all the cards. More than likely she will get all that she is asking for but in a different way that I originally worded.  Her children are not my responsibility, but she will play up the over 10 year marriage and the disability and the expenses of her children as part of her new living expenses after the split.  The attorneys feel that if we hit the lady judge, alimony for life is almost guaranteed based on that judges past decisions.  With the other judges I "might get away with" alimony for approx the length of the marriage ("if I am lucky").  The over 10 years and disability is a "BIGGIE" in this case.

More than Likely she'll get the entire 401K as I am still working and have 15 more years to go to build up another 401K until I hit my full 70 1/2 years old full retirement age.  More than likely she'll get all the money in my bank account.  More than likely I'll be forced to also compensate for any unpaid medical that Medicare does not cover.  Also more than likely I'll also be ordered to carry a life insurance policy of $500K with the wife as the beneficiary. She will get the car that is paid off.  Since I do not own any liquidable assets such as property, I have no bargaining power to reduce alimony with some kind of lump sum payment.  The actual monthly alimony payment will more than likely be 30-60% of my gross income depending on how the judge wants to "equalize" the income.

Any money I paid for her debts that she accumulated before we were married...nice guy you are but it don't count.

Any money I paid for her children for living expenses and medical, but their biological father should have paid under court order....again nice guy you are but it dont count.

Not a nice situation to be in. Only hope is to try to persuade the judge that even with her disability she could work and has been working, but that is a very long shot.

I wish marriage licenses had a 5 or 10 year expiration date like all other licenses have.

Oh boy.......

Well, now you have the real scoop and also some good local insight into the local family court "bench", which is not info that most responders here could have provided.

I do agree that if she has qualified for Social Security Disability Income, persuading the judge that she can work is going to be "a long shot".

Your post is kinda long, no?  Lots of extraneous detail.

You can offer her the 401k, but that doesn't mean she'd get the entire thing.  Certainly, it's within a judge's discretion to ensure things are "equitable".

You are free to establish that's she's not so disabled that she cannot make a decent living; her receiving SSD isn't dispositive that she cannot work (and you do note that she has freelance jobs; question is proving what she is *capable* of making).

"House is in my name before marriage and still is only in my name."

Only relevant insofar as it wouldn't be likely she'd get possession of the home; sounds like it has next to zippy equity anyway.

"More than likely she'll get all the money in my bank account."

You say this as though there's a lot.  More than likely, it will be gone (and more) to legal fees.

"Also more than likely I'll also be ordered to carry a life insurance policy of $500K with the wife as the beneficiary."

Given what you imply you make, I don't see that happening, but those don't cost much in general.

"Any money I paid for her children for living expenses and medical, but their biological father should have paid under court order....again nice guy you are but it dont count."

One presumes you've been claiming them as dependents.

"I wish marriage licenses had a 5 or 10 year expiration date like all other licenses have."

You do understand that licenses have nothing to do with it.  That's just the thing that allows you to get married.  Not sure why you're focusing on the extraneous.

Why is she entitled to all of your 401k? Again I would not automatically assume she is going to get it..I would offer half. Alimony is her taxable income. You really have not been married but barely long enough for alimony...so all 3 attorneys are telling you that 10.5 year marriage gives her a lifetime of support? I would still interview 1 or 2 more and you can read reviews on avvo.com.

Good luck

By the way, it isn't unlike attorneys to tell you the worst-case scenario possibilities.  Telling you any given thing is a "slam dunk" or with certainty would not be appropriate.

I do not understand?

Why would she get your entire 401k?

My ex wife was the biggest well... you know, but she would never have gotten that out of me.

I carry a $200k life insurance policy and my ex never saw a dime of my 401k.  I gave her pretty much everything that was in the house, but who cares?  A bunch of old furniture and a treadmill. Big deal.

Her children?  have you lost your mind?

not yours, but hers?

no way!

I bought 2 daughters cars and phones, etc.  I know about what does not count.  But her children? NO.

Go talk to a 5th or 6th divorce lawyer if I were you.  Seriously.  Something is not adding up here.

I wish you the best of luck!