mother wants to relocate 2 1/2 hrs away with our 10 yr old

EX WANTS TO MOVE OUR 1O YR OLD SON. 2 1/2 HOURS AWAY FROM HERE SO SHE CAN GET MARRIED TO HER FIANCE. WE HAVE JOINT CUSTODY, BUT NOBODY HAS PRIMARY CUSTODIAN OF HIM. SHE WAS A MINOR SO IT WENT TO HER MOM WHO DIED 3 YRS AGO. SHE IS NOW 27 AND IM 30 ALTHOUGH MY ORDER IS EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. WE HAVE NOT FOLLOWED THAT ORDER IN 8 YRS. DUE TO MY WORK SCHEDULE.WE AGREED I GET HIM 3 DAYS A WEEK IM OFF AND 4 DAYS THE NEXT WHEN IM OFF. ITS BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE . SHE GOT HER RN LISCENSE AND I GOT HIM WHEN SHE WORKED. IM MARRIED AND HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME WOMAN FOR 8 YRS. WE HAVE A 3 YR OLD SON. MY SONS GRANDPARENTS, COUSINS AND ALL HIS FAMILY LIVE HERE IN KY. HES ATTENDED THE SAME SCHOOL FOR 7 YRS. ALTHOUGH I LIVE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTY AS HIM, IM STILL ABLE TO TAKE HIM TO CATCH THE BUS TO HIS SCHOOL AND I HAVE DONE SO FOR 5 YRS. I OWN MY OWN HOME HAVE A STABLE JOB AND I HAVENT BOUNCED FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN.. WE WENT TO COURT CUZ I WOULDNT ALLOW HER TO TAKE MY SON TO TN AND MOVE. SHE HAD TO PROVE THAT HIS LIFE WOULD BE BETTER IN TN THAN IT IS HERE. SHES MOVING FOR HER FIANCE. SHE HAD NOTHING TO PROVE IN COURT. I HAD WINTESS THAT SAID I HAD MY SON 3 TO 4 DAYS A WEEK EVERY WEEK FOR 8 YRS AND THAT I WAS A GOOD DAD AND VERY INVOLVED IN HIS LIFE. I BEILEVE IT QWOULD BE BEST FOR HIM TO LIVE WITH ME AND CONTINUE THE LIFE HE HAS INSTEAD OF UPRROTING HIM AWAY FROM ALL HES EVER KNOWN. AND THATS WHAT I TOLD THE JUDGE. SHE MADE IT ALL ABOUT HER SELF AND I THINK ITS OBVIOUS IT WAS ABOUT HER.. SHE HAD PICTURES OF HER AND MY SON AT THE LAKE AND ON VACATION SHOWING THAT SHE WAS ALSO INVOLVED IN HIS LIFE. I ALSO HAD SIMULAR PHOTOS.  SINCE MY SON HAS EXTENDED FAMILY AND IS WELL ADAPTED IN THIS COMMUNTIY, DO U BELIEVE I WILL BE GRANTED CUSTODY AND HER OUT OF STATE VISITAION.. SHE ALSO STATED IF DILLAN COULDNT GO THEN SHE WOUL;DNT MOVE..MY LAWYER STATED SHE WAS COMMITED TO THIS MOVE TO TN.. PLEASE GIVE ME U R HONEST OPINION

What does your attorney say? When is your next hearing? Is there any family in this new state or area Mom wants to move too? It doesn;t sound like mom has much of a chance of moving but nobody can predict what will haqppen. I will tell you this...should mom be allowed to move you need to get an iron clad visitation agreement as specific as possible, and make mom 100% responsible for transportation. Good luck.

MY WORK SCHEDULE IS GOING TO BE A CONFLICT. I WORK THURSADAY FRIDAY AND SAT. NIGHTS FOR 6 WEEKS AND MON THRU WED DAYS FOR 6 WEEKS, THEN IT FLOPS ONCE A YR AND I WORK WEEKEND DAYS FOR 6 WEEKS AND MON THRU WED NIGHT FOR 6 WEEKS.. I WORK 3 12 HR SHIFTS IN A ROW AND IM OFF 4. I GO IN AT 7 AM TO 7 PM OR 7 PM TO 7 AM. I PRESENTED MY WORK SCHEDULE TO THE JUDGE AND EXPLAINED IT TO HIM AS I JUST DID YOU.. IF SHE IS ALLOWED TO MOVE. WHEN I WORK WEEKEND NIGHTS I WONT GET TO SPEND TIME WITH MY SON WHEN HES WITH ME. SHE OFFERED ME A PARENTING PLAN OF: EVERY WEEKEND, EVERY FALL, SPRING CHRISTMAS BREAK, AND 6 WEEKS DURING THE SUMMER AND NO CHILD SUPPORT. I CURRENTLY PAY 360 A MONTH CHILD SUPPPORT AND I HAVE DONE SO FOR 9 YRS.. I KEPT 3 YRS WORTH OF CALENDARS THAT SHOWED THE DAYS THAT I HAD MY SON AND I PRESENTED IT TO THE JUDGE AS WELL. AND LAST YEAR I HAD HIM MORE THAN SHE DID.. SHE TESTIFIED THAT SHE HAD A JOB INTERVIEW AS SOON AS SHE COULD MOVE, SHE NEVER SAID IF SHED BE MAKING MORE MONEY THAN WHAT SHES MAKING NOW. SHE WILL BE WORKING 3 NIGHTS A WEEK IF SHE IS ALLOWED TO MOVE. HER FIANCE GOES TO WORK AT 6:30 SO HOW WILL HE GET TO SCHOOL IF THEY ARE BOTH AT WORK? MY WIFE WORKS 7 TO 3 5 DAYS A WEEK. SHE PICKS UP MY SON ON THE DAYS THAT I HAVE TO WORK DAY SHIFT. AND SHE SAID THAT IN COURT.. AS FAR AS THE SCHOOLING DOWN THERE SHE MENTION THE SCHOOL HE WOULD ATTEND, AND HER FIANCE ISNT FROM THERE SO HE DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT SCHOOL. MY LAWYER ASK HER IF SHE WOULD TAKE THE SAME DEAL SHE OFFEREND ME AND SHE SAID NO NOT UNLESS SHE HAD TO. SHE CANT OFFER MORE TIME THAN IM ALREADY GETTING WITH MY SON. CONSIDERING WE HAVE HIM THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME EACH WEEK.. I OFFERED HER EVERY WEEKEND I WORK AND EVERY OTHER WHEN I WAS OFF, ALSO THE SCHOOL BREAKS AND EVERY OTHER WEEK DURING THE SUMMER. BUT SINCE SHE WONT MOVE IF NOT GRANTED TO TAKE OUR SON, IM WILLING TO OFFER EVERY OTHER WEEK. THATS WHATS FAIR FOR OUR SON. HE TOLD THE JUDGE HE WANTED TO SPEND THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME WITH EACH PARENT, BUT HE WOULD MOVE TO TN IF HE HAD TO.. I JUST CANT SEE A JUDGE TAKING MY SON FROM ME SINCE IVE BEEN APART OF HIS LIFE SINCE BIRTH. TO GO LIVE WITH A MAN HIS MOM HAS KNON FOR 2 YRS AND DATED A YR. WHICH SHE ADMITTED TO THE JUDGE.. we do not have another hearing we went to court sept 1 and the lawyers sent off there fianl arguement to the commisioner on oct 12 so now we are waiting on his decision... no there in no extended family where she is wanting to move. my son will have nobody related to him but his mom..and that was also pointed out in court.. she stated that our son has lived with her but visited me. now if ive had him the same or more overnights stays than she has then he has lived with the both of us.. my lawyer says she would be surprised if he got to move to TN but shes seen it go both ways..

I think your lawyer is as good as anyone at guessing.  I bet it's driving you nuts...all the waiting to find out.  IMHO I don't think he should be allowed to go.  However, I do have a friend who was allowed to take her son out of state but the father hadn't even seen the kid in a few years because he got mad at him.  So, totally different situation really.  Good luck.  Sounds like you really love your son and it would be damaging to him to not be able to see you like he's used to.

yes i love him very much. and i want whats best for him. she wants whats best for herself. she all about money. her fiance cant move here cuz hes been working at a nuclear power plant since 2000, he owns an RV park and has rental properties in TN. ever since court i went from seeing my son 14 to 16 nights a month down to 6 or 7 nights a month. shes saying this is all my fault and im putting our son thru court. how is it my fault shes the one wanting to take him away from his home and family?

I know you want someone to tell you you are likely to win, but nobody here can guess what a judge will rule.

It makes perfect sense for a child to remain in his home town with family and friends he knows and not move, but Mom has also shown she is willing to coparent and work together (by you having more time than was court ordered) so the judge may see she is not doing this to intefere in your relationship with the child and allow it.

You have to sit tight and wait. If Mom said she would not move if she does not get permission from the courts, then it would be unlikely custody would change. Your attorney telling you she is committed to the move is nothing more than his/her opinion.  It doesn't make that so.

i meant to say that she is not commited to move. i offered her he same deal she offered me and she also refused it. yea but this whole court is over wanting to relocate with our son. if she is denied hten i will be granted  primary residential custodian. she cant say well i didnt win so im still going to be his residentail parent.. i took her to court in 03 cuz she wouldnt allow me to see my son unless i stayed with him at her moms house where she lived. we have no paper work saying who is the residental parent. i just agree at the time for visitation. im willing to work with her as well, id never keep my son from his mother. its not good for him to be taken away from his family, his brother, aunts, uncle, grandparents and great grandparents. to a place where he has none of that..

how am i suppose to have a relationship with m son on weekends if i have to work when hes here. i get off at 7pm i see him for 2 or 3 hrs. if i go in at 7 pm i see him less than that. i have responsibilities as a parent to provide for my family i cant just quit my job that ive been at for 8 yrs and make almost 20 an hr to a job thats 8 an hr. the way the economy is jobs like the one i have are extrememly hard to come by.. she is a nurse she already has a job. we live 25 minutes apart from each other. she can get a better pay job in my county making more than what shes making now.. shes not losing her job or being transfered to a new one. she is simply moving to be with her fiance. i really hope the judge sees that as well and that its only benefiting her not our son.

"if she is denied hten i will be granted  primary residential custodian. she cant say well i didnt win so im still going to be his residentail parent.. "

Yes she can. I have seen the courts deny requests for a parent to move with the child and because the parent did not move, custody did not change.

If they are not given permission from the courts to move the child, it is less disruptive for the child to remain with the parent they already live with, then move to the other parents. 

I am not saying that will happen, but you have to understand, it can.

SPlum is correct; doesn't make sense as you have put it.  You would only get custody if a court denied the move and she decided to go anyway and leave the child behind with you.  People don't get custody taken because they unsuccessfully petitioned the court over a possible move, but decided to stay if denied.

as i stated earlier neither one of us have been designated primary residential parent. our son has lived with both of us the same amount of time. that was proven in court as well. i petetioned that i have primary res. custodian of him and her out of state visitation. if she is not granted permission to move with our son and she doesnt move then she can get it back? she requested a modification of visitation and i requested joint custody with me being primary res custodian/

she was 17 when our son was born and her mother was the residential parent, when her mother died 3 yrs ago then nobody was residential parent. and for the past 8 yrs he has lived with us both the same..

i didnt find that out til this summer when i got my paternity papers in the mail. saying that her mom was residential andme noncustodian. if id known that id took her to court earlier on. if shes not allowed to move and decides to stay then i can get my visitation change right?  the fair i see it for our son is me have hima week and her have him a week, nobody pays child support i will have insurance on him. thats the best thing for him in my opinion.

well my ex is being allowed to move with our son, but after she gets married... i cant believe they agreed to this...we have 60 days to agree on a timesharing visitation for me if we cant agree the judge will do it for us...

I'd try to get some serious language in there that all costs to implement visits are hers to bear --its her duty to get child back to dad and pick him up and the transit time is not counted agsinst dads time---like she delivers child every other weekend --by 6prm Fri and picks him up 7pm Sunday--plus you get altermating holidays and 4 weeks each summer --or the maximum time you can get thats reasonable. And get some hefty language in there as to outcomes if she dops ball. Visitation does NOT mean you must drive to visit son--you didn't move, she plans to move.

And you get to claim child every other year s tax dependent with her to execute IRS form to make it easy?