Need Advice on Support & Custody

I have some questions regarding child support as well as custody. I have a 5 year old daughter and I am not in a relationship with her father. We never married and he is also not on the birth certificate but he did take a paternity test (ordered a kit) about 3 1/2 years ago. We have verbally agreed on everything until now on child support. About 3 ½ years ago is when we agreed to $150/month in child support and he would see her 2 days every 2 weeks. It was Sunday-Tuesday until about a year ago then it changed to Friday to Sunday because she was beginning preschool. Up until about 3 months ago, he was also not keeping her overnight both days that he agreed to have her. Often times she spent his days and nights with his parents so he wasn't even with her during the time he was suppose to. I agreed to the $150/month because he wanted to finish school and I knew that he wouldn't be able to work very much. He just graduated in May and now has a job as a Physical Therapist Assistant. I'm assuming he makes between $30-$35k a year. When we had agreed to the $150, he knew that it was just temporary and that I wanted to discuss more support once he finished school and found a job. But his idea of what he should pay is different than what I agree to. In the midst of our disagreement he also mentioned that if I took him to court for child support, he would try and keep myself and daughter from moving out of the state. About a year and a half ago I started dating someone from New York (about 4 hours from where we currently live) and I have intentions on moving there. I had already discussed this with my daughter's father throughout the last year and a half and he had continued to agree and say he was fine with us moving until now because of our disagreement on support. My concern is that he may have a chance of having the court agree that I must stay in the state. Although I have been the primary care taker and have had physical/legal custody of her. I'm also the one who has provided her with medical insurance, enrolled her in preschool, spent every holiday with her and hosted all of her birthday parties. I would like to take him to court for child support but I also want to make sure that he won't be able to keep me from moving. Any advice?

When do you intend on moving? If in the near future,  seems  you should keep him happy, establish residence in New York and then file for child support in New York.  Otherwise,  you will need to prove to the court how moving the child 4 hours away from  her father is in her best interests;  dating someone isn't great grounds.

He has every right to keep you from moving. Moving for a boyfriend is not necessarily in the best interest of the child. First of all it seems paternity is not even legally established so he really does not have to pay you anything without a court order. If you move out of state anyways, Dad could file for paternity and custody while his home state has jurisdiction. You cannot file anything in NY until you have established residency there..which is I think is one year. If he files in PA you will be in a pickle.

Now you are beginning to understand the perils of not getting stuff settled by the court sooner.

If you want more CS than $150 a month, you will need to file for same. Since paternity is not legally established, you will have to go thru that process.  Your home test kit results will mean nada to the court.

Since everyone involved is still in PA, the PA court system is where you will have to go to resolve these disputes ASAP. You could, of course, move to NY, lay low for awhile and then open a case there once you have legal residency. You would have to hope he does not seek to go to court in PA before you have a chance to establish legal residency in NY.

The courts look at the best interests of the child. However, most judges see best interest as the child being able to have a relationship with both parents. When there is distance between the parents, that can impede that relationship unless you can show the court that it will not.

If he is established as the legal father as seems likely, he will have rights. You can live wherever you choose because you are an adult. However, he can petition the court and ask that the child remain in PA, within a reasonable visitation distance or if you are bound and determined to move, he can petition for custody and you would, in essence, become the NCP who would be paying the child support, if the court granted his petition. You show that the move is in the best interest of the child and that it will NOT impede his relationship with his daughter. You had better be prepared to offer liberal visitation and pay for the travel costs, at a minimum.

If you had established the CS issue before now, it would be off the table and the move would be the only issue for the court to address. You may still be able to get what you want. Your child will soon be in school and four hour car rides every other weekend are going to get "old" pretty fast, even if you got the permission of the court to move. The type of schedule that you want probably will involve her seeing him less frequently but for a longer period with each visit. In other words, he might get a week at Xmas, six to eight weeks during the summer and maybe every other spring break (or something along those lines). Since you are the one doing the moving, you wll be liable for the transportation costs.  The number of nights that he has her might be very close to what he informally has now, but this type of visitation schedule obviously is very different than what she has known before now.

So, think about how you might address his objections to the move, if he does decide to oppose it. Also, think about how you will handle holidays, etc. If you are destined for court, you might as well nail down everything that you can to avoid repeated trips to clarify some kind of ambiguity in the order, etc.

As of right now, he is not legally the child's father. Paternity through the courts has never been done and you are considered sole custodial parent.  You make all the decisions regrding the child.

He legally has no court order for support which means he doesn't have to pay you. He has no court orders for visitation which means it is nice you two have gotten along but you have final say if he sees the child.

But now you want him to pay more AND you want to leave PA.

You kinda want to have your cake and eat it too. 

If you file with the courts for child support, a paternity test will be done and if he is proven to be Dad, will be ordered to pay child support according to the guidelines.

But, if you do that, and he is proven to be Dad, you can guarantee he will file for custody and visitation and to stop you from taking the child out of state.  It's a coin toss if you will win that or not. Nobody here can tell you one way or the other how a judge may rule.

If you decided to leave for NY now, while there is no court orders, you can do that and you can take the child. You don't need his permission as he is not legally Dad nor has court orders for visitation.  You could lay low and hope enough time passes for you to meet NY residency requirements then file for child support.  Or, you can file now in PA and then Dad will file too to keep you here.  

If you can quietly slip away to NY and keep him happy until you qualify for NY residency, then file in NY  I think you will find the NY rules are far more favorable as to long term support for the child.

Sometime in the middle of next year. The thing is, he was completely fine with our daughter and myself moving until I discussed child support. Also, in the past he has mentioned that he and his wife were considering moving to North Carolina. He has no issues with seeing his daughter less, it's paying more for his daughter that he has a problem with.

Paternity was not legally established because he chose not to sign the Acknowledgement of Paternity even though I had insisted on it while I was filing the paperwork while I was still in the hospital. He was the one that did NOT want to go to court (he has a history if DUI's and different arrests) so he wanted and still wants to avoid it. I tried my best to just respect that and handle things outside of court. He had agreed that he was fine with our daughter and myself moving up until our discussion on child support. And I also had told him that we would be visiting in which he could see her and that we could agree to certain holidays and having her for a couple weeks during the summer. I know for a fact that he would not want to have her for more than what he currently has now. He doesn't want to fight for half custody.

Stop asking Dad for input--sort out the rules to come up with best equation for you and your /his child---NY may be best game in town --it calls for support thru 21 and allows for college--PA cuts it off at 18 and does not allow for college. .

If you keep your mouth completely shut you may have good odds to move to the better jurisdiction before you take action.

Then I agree with Drew...buy your time in PA without filing for child support. If you start an action in PA, you will be stuck with PA having jurisdiction. NY does  require the NCP to pay till the age of 21 and makes them responsible for college costs as well. PA doesn't.  If the deciding factor for now is if you file for more support Dad fights your move, then hold off and do what you have to.  You can file for it once you are established in NY as a resident.

If it were me I would keep my trap shut and move to New York. At least he is paying you something which is more than many people can say right now! Talk to a real lawyer up there

about your case and then do what he tells you. Sounds like you will make out much better by waiting! Good Luck and just my opinion from experience it is true that New York offers longer support if that is where it is decided!

Also I might let him know that if he files anything for you moving to New York he will have pay more as you will go to court if he hassles you and tell him he can still visit. If he thinks you will not file in court if he does nothing that might buy you time until you can! My opinion and good luck!

move to New York and dont tell him. He has not rights over you or the child since he is not the legal father. He is not even in the birth certificate. DNA tests done out of court does not provide any proof to it. You know he is the father, period.

Establish residency in NY( 6 months) and then take him to court.  NY rules are different. Child support is until the child turnd 21. This will be a process since paternity needs to be established before anything happens cause to the court he is not the father.

By the way, he is paying child support out of his own good will. Unless it is court ordered through established paternity. he does not HAVE to pay a dime. Dont tell him obvioulsy.

Thank you to everyone for your advice. I'm still living in PA and I have intentions on moving to NY at the end of March. I'm taking your advice by keeping him happy and just waiting until I get into New York's jurisdiction. I have never wanted bad blood between my ex and I for our daughter's sake. My daughter is my priority though and she deserves a good life so if asking for more support from her father will help, I will do that when the time is right. You've all helped me a lot and I greatly appreciate it.