Ex GF ran off with kids out of state & parental alienation -

Hi. I am in South Carolina. I have been with this woman for almost five years and we have kids. Unmarried. She got diagnosed with Bipolar 1 a few years

ago...used to take her meds but refuses to now. She moved back here again after leaving for 9 months from june and July this year. While sleeping, My

unmedicated Bipolar girlfriend just took off again 6 weeks ago and refuses to contact me. She has my kids (one biologically mine, one not but Ii signed

his birth certificate) Her parents in another State (North Carolina) is where she is I suspect but they moved and refuse to talk to me as well. I have

court ordered child support, but am behind the last two months as work is awful. I have always provided good to her and my kids over the entire

relationship otherwise.I am a great father and my children love me and I want to get them out of her custody because she has been deteriorating over the

last year and a half and this is the 4th time she just ran off. She manipulates me and plays games...lies, cheats, steals....she used to be wonderful.

She isn't the same person anymore. Works me for money typically too. I am worn out and this is bad for my children to not be allowed to talk to me or

see me. I am very concerned for their safety. I have a feeling that she is never going to contact me again at this rate.

WHAT do I do??? I know she is on medicaid and is getting government assistance but the child support people in NC will not give me her address....I

think I know what town she is in with a little detective work I have been doing, but she is off the radar.

I have tried contacting all of her Family, Facebook (I am blocked now) and she turned the phone I gave her off always.

Visitation is great...I am all for it, but I think I need to get custody of the children. She has screwed her life up over the last two years. Since the

bipolar kicked in, she has run off on a weekend and married a crackhead - came back 4 weeks later crying, attempted suicide a few times-not this year,

is MANIC beyond belief, jumps from one guy to another while being with me several times, drives a car that is not safe with my kids in it, got involved

in an infant death where she was staying this last May and had supervised visitation on our kids underDSS...got kicked out of section 8 housing in May

as well- I think that's why she came back for two months- no where to live until her mom got a new place...it goes on and on.

Typically, she would call and let me talk to my kids at some point...but 6 weeks no contact???

HELP please

Laymans take:

Its not clear if you have court ordered visitation or not- --you need an order for visitation to have some useful club........

To some extent Mom can be a nut case and it has no impact on her rights as parent--HOWEVER --if she is putting kids in actual harms way by failure to some sort of roof over thier heads you may be able to get childrens protective services to step in and remve children from harm--such an agency can do so with relative ease .

But if Mom got her a new place that lawful for habitation--not the storage shed ---it become more difficult to show kids are being harmed.  

If you have visitation rights, there may be rules against her removing your child from the original state w/o court approval --double check if such apply ....

If she and new hubby are doing illegal drugs--you might be able to guide local police to an easy bust--and get Mom tossed in jail?

As I understand your situation to be:

• Your EX-GF ran off with your/ her kids
• You are behind in CS payments
• SHE has Primary Care for the Children
• SHE is now married

You will need to consult with a local Family Law Attorney.  She may or may not be violating you court-ordered visitation schedule (if there is one).  I suggest you bring all of your court paperwork to an attorney for a consult.

You beleive the children's mother may be unfit to care for the children.  I beleive you will have to prove to the court why you are better suited to care for the children.

I suggest BEFORE pursuing this matter, consider getting caught-up on Child Support. 

Moral questions aside--being current on CS is not a condition for the exercise of visitation rights or a valid excuse to deny any such rights.

To be clear here...that marriage lasted two weeks...she was manic on an episode. She came back a month later saying she was sorry and was not in her right mind marrying him and she doesn't want to be married to him.

Also, she left me July 26th this  year to be with this teenager and I see she is on a dating site as of this week...go figure.

I don't have any money to afford a lawyer. money is so tight right now. I do need to get caught up child support before going to court I assume to become the primary caregiver???

She is living with her mom I think in a run down home with one bedroom for her and our kids. Inadequate living conditions and living off of the government.

BTW, Her oldest boy misses 25% of his attendance in school and I have paperwork proving it. Isn't that neglect? I don't want the younger two when they start school to have the same track record, and with living with me, they would not.

Being caught up CS is not a requirement as to custody --not being caught up may posture you as bad guy--but thats different.

Living on in cramped quarters (if not in violation of local law)  or on the public dole does not make her a bad Mom.

However if kids are missing a lot of school that can be postured as very bad parenting---and perhaps a violation of state law as well.  In theory the school can drag custodial parent to court to address attendance--with fines and jail time if parent doesn't get message---but that may be low on priority list for her local school ---------

You are the legal Dad it sounds like so you have rights to those kids. If I were you, you can try to go get them but I would not expect mom to cooperate. You need to locate her and have her served with custody. See if you can get an emergency order. Talk to a family law attorney, borrow some $$$, you need to get legal custody of these kids somehow or go get them.

Her living in a 1bedroom apartment isn't a reason the courts would give you custody.

Her dating life is not a reason the courts will give you custody.

Your claim about her manic episodes is not a reason they would remove the kids from her. You are not a licensed mental health professional and that is only your accusation.

It does not sound asthough you have any legal rights. Your name on a bc doesn't give an unmarried person custodial rights, only a court can.

The reality is....you have no custodial rights. Nothing you have said would be a reason for emergency custody.  THere is a difference between not the best living situation vs. a dangerous one.  The children are not in danger.  The only way to get rights is to file for them in a court.  If you cannot afford an attorney, you have to figure out how to do it pro se.  Many courts have pro se offices with the necessary forms.  They will not however give you legal guidance.

You being behind in child support won't help you.  You having no visitation all this time isn't going to help you either. (to get custody)

The courts do not like to cause turmoil in a child's life and the fact is, the child(ren) have been with her all along.  It is unlikely, though not impossible, you get primary custody.  But the only way to start is by actually filing.

actually, I DO have paperwork confirming her illness and that it is severe. Also, I have meds here at  the house not taken....they only give you enough month to month, so you shouldn't have extras...PLUS...her doctor cut her off because she wasn't going to her mandatory requirements of psych visits. also...I think that living in a one beroom one parent, two boys and a baby girl is not kosher living conditions.

Doesn't the boy missing 25% oof hisclasses - isn't that neglect? She's mentally ill...badly sorry to say. I still love her dearly, but she's nuts.

Don't I have any chance here worth speaking of to be the primary caregiver?

Where do I start? Family Court? Do i call DSS because she has kidnapped my kids?

I understand this is difficult and emotional for you, but you have to understand, the courts do not just remove custody from someone because of mental health. They have to pose a harmful risk or have to have harmed the children. Her having medicine at your house does not mean anything. Her being ill does not mean they will remove the children from her. 

You do not get to decide what are satisfactory living conditions. While that certainly may be crowded, it does not mean the courts will view that as a dangerous situation for the children. You not paying child support is not going to help.  There is a reasonable arguement by you failing to support the children that contributes to what she can or cannot afford to live in. Also, you getting court ordered visitation does not mean you would not have to pay child support.

It is not kidnapping. She is the parent. You have no custody. You have zero legal rights because you have not been through court to be given rights to the children.  At this time, she has sole legal and physical custody.  She can go where she wants with them.

The other issue you have is....you have to file in the area that has jurisdiction.  Because her and the children have been gone many months, wherever they are is the area/courts that would have jurisdiction. It would not be where you are.

You have to have an attorney handle this for you if you do not know where/what to file.

 You should at least consult an attorney in her area and discuss what your rights and options are. A attorney there is best versed.

thanks for the info people.

She has been gone 6 weeks. I still have 4 and 1/2 months jurisdiction here for filing in this state.

From my understanding, she is neglectful and i may have a case. I wasn't complete in all my info on some specifics, but attempting suicide for one, not taking meds-refusing actually, and not taking the oldest boy to school regularly, tanking the kids from one state back and forth during the school year 3 or 4 times a year while she is in her episodes, sleeping wiht a minor last year for months while we were supposed to be together, cussing at the kids for no reason frequently while she goes into depressed mode, etc....

I would think I have a shot...we'll have to see.

oops. When I said taking off state to state 3-4 times a year I mean she would move them all back and take off sometimes after re-enrolling the boy in school and taking off vack there 3 weeks later. Unstable....

You are missing some key points:

1. Unless you have court ordered visitation you have zip for leverage .

2. Unless you file for visitation or some custody role ( I'll bet against your getting 100%)  prompty inside the 6 months rule (or whatever it is for your state) for residency  you run a major risk that your home state lacks jurisdiction on the matter IF it was not raised earlier in your state for some elements of custody or support.  Her being in and out of state might worry me as to if she and kids are residents of my state to file an initial custody/support matter.

      I strongly suggest you NOT snooze and get her served while she is in your home state .

3.Many of your points about her lifestyle are not bad enough ...

   However I think not being in school --especially if academic progress is poor or in serious danger and/or Mom is in violation of the relevant states compulsory attendance laws  is a card that requires more attention.  Kids not being in school can be a very powerful lever.

You said "She moved back here again after leaving for 9 months from june and July this year...."

If she has only been back since June and left again, but was somewhere else 9 months, you are likely facing an issue with jurisdiction.