Interview questions

I was laid off over a year ago.  Since then, I have had many interviews and have been the top candidate for several positions.  In many of these, the interviewer has found out that I am a single mom with two children and I believe that is why I have not been offered the position.  I try to skirt around the issue and not mention it at all.  But some questions I just don't know how to answer truthfully without mentioning it.  I had one interviewer come right out and ask if I had children.  I had another who kept asking legit questions in and of themselves, but they were all about my personal life outside of work.  I kept trying to skirt around the issue but then finally had to tell him I had children.  Then the last one, same thing, he kept asking questions and it finally came out that I had children.  He also asked what year I was born.  He also kept questioning what my arrangements were if I had to work overtime.  Which, I felt were legit, but when I mentioned which days my son went to his father's, he asked about my relationship with the father, then he went off on a tangent about divorce.  The office manager keep calling me to tell me that I was a top candidate and they really liked me, but I ended up not getting the job.  I truly feel it's because I have children.  I am just curious what the laws are about what kind of questions they can ask about age, children, and family life or life outside of work.  Do I have any recourse if illegal questions are asked?  Or how do I handle the situation?

Thanks so much for your help!!

They can ask whatever they like - they just can't use a lot of the answers to make a decision.

In theory to ask about family status  and use answers not to hire you  is problematic  for an employer.

The practical problem is employer wants to know if you are readily available for work or subject to "emergencies" which could get in the way.  Now I agree it can be an ice cube to interview to say too much about kids ---but to dance about the point makes any interviewer nervous about what could be hiding in the bushes and I'm sure employer has had lots of problems with folks who put all sorts of "family" issues on front burner.

I've conducted lots of interviews ---and to a great extent I'm more comfortable if at some point  the applicant answers my concern before I have to go on a fishing expedition for same--but not too early in process.

So rather than make me fish once we've established that you look like a decent candidate and there is some level of interest--why not take charge of the issue and tell me you have  two kids ages  x and y enrolled in   schools B and C  and that day care is provided by  Granny Jones and in the alternative by  EX, John  Bone --and in last 3 years you have never missed a day of work due to child care issues----if your response is credible... --what more do I need to know?  

And its not necessarily sex based, ( But lets be practical it is more common that women put kids problems first ahead of work because they have no other choice)  )  if some mid  level male applicant goes on  about needing to be there for everyone of  his kids baseball games and not having missed one in 3 years  and I know the job could require  the incumbent to address client service needs at 2pm or  1200 miles away on short notice  I as an intervier am going to get very nervous aboutapplicants meeting my firms priorities.

You're right, Shippels.  Some of those questions were not appropriate but they're not illegal. (REALLY stupid to ask your date of birth though.)

If asked at future interviews if you have children, you should reply, "Yes, I have two [or whatever] wonderful kids and have very reliable child care arrangements made for them.  My responsibilities as a parent won't interfere with my job responsibilities."

If asked other personal questions that aren't relevant, a reply along the lines of "Thanks for asking but there's no need to discuss that.  Everything in my personal life is in good order."  Or words to that effect.  In other words, don't reveal irrelevant personal information but rather just assure the interviewer that there aren't any problems or issues that would interfere with your work.  Assuming those asking the questions aren't just plain old nosey (which is possible), they want to know that you don't have anything going on in your life that would pose a problem on the job. 

I am not a lawyer, but I have done quite a bit of interviewing of people in my time.  I was instructed by more than just one company to never ask those types of personal questions, for they could create legal problems.

That said, proving it was because you have children as to why they did not hire you, or for your age, or whatever reason, is difficult.

My personal advise it to just do your best to answer the intent of the question as best you can determine it. 

They are likely concerned with your ability to work late on short notice, or if you will be available on a weekend, etc etc, or whatever their intent is. 

Simply assure them of their concern, and maybe later on, you could answer the question.

again, in my personal opinion, answer the intent of the question, and I might even look at that rather oddly if they asked questions such as my age or marital status.  Oh, I'd probably tell them, but I'd look at them for a second, and make them realize they shouldn't really be asking me that question as it has nothing to do with the job.

just my opinions, and I've both interviewed and been interviewed quite a bit, but this is not legal advice at all.

Shippels:

Or how do I handle the situation?

Strictly opinion (I've never encountered this) -- Have you tried giving very generic responses?  Perhaps they would at least clue the interviewer in to the fact that the questions are, well, questionable:

Q -- Do you have children?  A -- I do have a family.

Q -- What year were you born?  A -- I am over 21; but retirement is a distant plan.

Q -- What are your arrangements if you work overtime?  A -- My outside interests will be covered by family or friends to ensure that I am as much of an attribute to the company as I will be during scheduled hours.

Were I the applicant, if the interviewer didn't proceed with caution, it would alert me to the fact that maybe I really don't want to work there.  This would be a prelude of things to come.

Don't get too cute with answers--as a somewhat seasoned   interviewer  I'll not ask improper questions BUT I'll put your application in the NO file right  after the interview is over.

Being the response was directed to me:

"Cute?"  Since you "don't ask improper questions," you wouldn't receive generic answers.  Everyone is not you; and, I doubt the OP will be interviewing with you in the foreseeable future.

So to reiterate the response given to the OP, if an interviewer persisted in asking questions that were too out of line, I, personally, wouldn't be trying to work for him.

(I wouldn't go so far as to try to make it a legal claim either.)

Proving that you were not selected for a position because you are a single mom could be quite difficult.

Yes, the interviwers asking you what may seem inappropriate questions could prove they are not the brightest bulbs.  In this economy, however, it may be necessary to "work for a jerk" until things pick up where you can find better employment.

Your post doesn't indicate what you do for a living, but there may be ways to truthfully enhance your resume.  For example, if you had a job that required frequent travel, you wouldn't want to necessarily state that it required frequent travel.  But you could  include your accomplishments on the out-of-town assignments.