"so what you're saying is that it was perfectly fine for them to give my son a drug, KNOWING he could have life long deafness and kidney failure but who cares about that?"
It isn't that they dose newborns with gentamycin carelessly. Which drugs are chosen depends greatly upon what type of infection the mother has IF known. If it isn't then they have to act with the broadest spectrum to cover all the bases until they rule infection out or a known bacteria is identified.
"There was no fever, no emergency, nothing. No CLEAR signs of infection."
As I explained before: when a newborn is born to a mother with an infection they HAVE TO TREAT the baby even if there aren't signs of infection. I have seen newborns succumb to a maternal infection within an hour of birth. Neonates do not always run a fever or show the signs of infections they way older kids and adults do. The physicians have to err on the side the child is developing something that is a threat rather than assume nothing is happening and all is fine.
"Why am I NOT allowed as the parent to be informed in my child's medical care?"
No one said you weren't allowed to be informed. If they didn't discuss it with you then that is something to address with the hospital. However, that doesn't mean that they didn't follow the standard of care when giving the antibiotics. Tragically some babies end up being deaf. However weighed against the terrible outcome when an infection destroys their brain or takes their life it isn't the worst thing I have seen happen to newborns with a post birth infection.
"yes in my eyes it was neglegence."
Almost EVERY parent that takes home an infant that isn't a perfect healthy baby feels this way. It doesn't mean that under the law it is. Yes, your child got dealt a blow by having the deafness occur as a side effect of the drug. Believe me the alternatives had they not treated or delayed it were much uglier. Hindsight in saying but "he didn't have a fever or any other symptoms" is easy AFTER the fact. I have YET to see any parent in the NICU tell the doctors "don't do everything you have to to save my child." Your raw emotions and feeling that you would have made different decisions is colored by what has happened not what you necessarily would have decided in the heat of the moment when given the grim facts if treatment wasn't initiated.
Again, have your sons medical records evaluated by a med/mal attorney or two or three for that matter. What we are doing here is trying to give you some additional facts that you may not have had or realized. If several attorneys tell you there is no case to pursue then you have your answer.
"That's just my opinion, then again I might be wrong." Dennis Miller
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