Asthmatic child, smoking, visitation.....

Hello. I have custody of our 5 year old son. My childs mother has overnight visitation from Sat afternoon until Sun morning.  

Our son is asthmatic and highly allergic to cigarette smoke.  It is in our CO that he is not to be exposed to any cigarettes by mother during her visitation time, bc of her history of smoking around him. Ex continues to smoke around him and expose him to secondhand smoke during her visits which causes him to have asthma attacks on the nights that he comes home. He has missed a number of days of school following her visits bc of this also. I have doctors notes and recommendations about the pattern of the attacks happening only after his visits with her and that he should not be taken for visitation where he is exposed to cigarette smoke.  I also have my own "calender" that I have kept for the last 6+ months detailing every time there was an asthma attack, if we went to doctor, missed school, what meds were given, etc.

I have confronted my ex a number of times about this and she just says that she quit smoking and she doesn't expose our son to any smoke.  She tells me good luck trying to prove anything different (which is very difficult).  Recently she has emailed me admitting that she does smoke in the home that our son stays at, but quickly tried changing her story in emails after that--I guess she realized she slipped.

I dont get along with my ex for a number of reasons, which mainly deal with her actions dealing with our child.  That being said Im not trying to terminate her relationship with our son, but I am extremely worried about his health and well-being, and there is an obvious pattern to his attacks which have gotten progressively worse since she started her visitation a year ago.  I would like to pursue some kind of supervised visitation schedule, do you think that would be a reasonable request that a judge would take seriously?

Why don't you investigate the possibility of Laser therapy treatment for smoking in your area.  If you find someone, offer to pay for it.  Smoking is a terrible addiction and I'm sure she doesn't mean to put your son at risk.

I was a smoker for over forty years.  I smoked during all three of my pregnancies and while my kids were growing up.  When my eldest son was having his first child he went to this laser treatment and in one fifteen minute sessation he was a NON SMOKER.  He asked me to do this too and Iagreed to it but I did NOT really want to quit even though I had tried various methods in the past.  He took me to the treatment center (in West Palm Beach, Florida) and they had a small instrument like a large pen that shone a light down my ear canals.  Like him , after that one treatment, I too was a NON smoker!!!  No lie.  It's been three years almost for me and I still can't believe it.  Maybe a solution like this, which is positive and should not cause any animosity between you and the ex, would help your situation much more so than trying for supervised visits which will only inflame your situation; and make her feel that you care about her health as the mother of your child.  Good luck

Laymans take:

I would think a 5 year old is sufficently reliable to accurately comment on does Mom smoke in his presence!

If she smokes in his presence --and he misses school on Monday sure seems to me like not only is she in violation of the order but she has placed child at risk/harm to interrupt education.

I would think it reasonable to request visitation in a place known to be smoke free and with supervision ; EG NO overnights in a smoke laden home--but equivalent time elsewhere --AT HER expense.

But I think it wiser to use counsel to make the point !

Definitely something a judge will take seriously, esp as the child is asthmatic and you have a doctor's backup!  Most of us have had the smoking addiction at one time, but there is no excuse to put your own comfort above your child's health.

I'd petition the court again.

never heard of this laser treatment to stop smoking?? how do i find out about it?

You can probably google it; google is practically an encyclopedia for anything you want to know.

I'm wondering if willfully putting a child in danger in this situation may be medical neglect?  I'm not a  legal person.  Would it possible/feasible for CPS to investigate to see if for sure Mom is smoking in the childs enviormnment?  Just a thought.

Thank you, didnt think of th

Thank you Kath21. I did't even think of that. Sorry I borrowed the post. I had just never heard of that treatment and thought English rose might have more info.

She probably does, but one never knows when a poster will revisit the post, if ever!

Google seems to have the answers to everything; what did we do without it?  It was like moving in a thick fog to find info in those long ago days without google.

Here I am!!  I had the site email me any replies to my post.   Funny but a lot of people have never heard of the laser treatment and so I guess that so far it is not very prevelant, unfortunately.  I would do as others suggested and google it.   3 years ago when I did it, I had never heard of it either, it was thru my son who was determined to quit that I found out about it.  It had cost $200 at that time and worth every single cent and pain free.  They did say you would have 'thoughts' of smoking from time to time but like any thought you can change it, it is not like actual craving.  Some how the beam of light hit the endorphins in the brain and change them to feel satisfied without nicotine.  Definitely look it up.  If it saves one smoker, it can save more. englishrose