Sibling Abuse

My step-children live in Colorado.  I live in Oregon.  There are three boys.  The oldest has been diagnosed with Aspergers (high functioning Autism and ADHD).  He has not be officially declared disabled.  The oldest severly and violently attacks his younger siblings.  On their last plane flight back to Colorado he held his brothers head against the arm rest and threatened to kill him.

Here's my question, we feel that very little is done by his mother to prevent these "out-bursts" towards his siblings.  We know he is in counseling and he is medicated, but it does little to deter him from physically and emotionally beating up on his brothers.  What rights do we have to try to get custody of the younger two boys using sibling abuse for the reason?

You  have the right to make the request of the court. Mom has the right to object. The court has the right to not want to split the siblings.

If your concern is that Mom cannot manage the oldest, why isn't Dad trying to get custody of him?

Two years ago before he was diagnosed with Apergers's we attempted to get custody of all three of them. 

Mom is diagnosed bi-polar and agoraphobic and in our opion unable to manage him or the situation.

Two years and $7,000 later, the courts did not see "significant cause" to remove them from the home.

"we feel that very little is done by his mother to prevent these "out-bursts" towards his siblings."

Then you need to learn a WHOLE lot more Aspergers and autism before you seek a change of custody.  When it comes to many autistic children the outbursts cannot be "prevented" and a child with these kind of issues should NEVER fly as an unattended minor.  Nor should the siblings be expected to control him while on a flight. 

When it comes to Aspergers/autism there are not any guaranteed treatments that work.  Medication and behavior modification do help quite a bit in some cases and not at all in others.  Either way virtually constant adult supervision is almost always required.  So is a stable home and splitting him from his siblings would not be in his best interest.  Either you seek custody of all of them or don't but splitting them is the worst thing you can do for him.

If you aren't prepared to take all three then consider returning to court to get an order supervising his treatment and care.

Thank you for your suggestion regarding the courts to supervise treatment and care.  That is a great idea.

Do you have experience with Autistic children?

Another question, for those of you with Autisim experience.  Would it be more beneficial for him not to be flying out to see his Dad?  I do understand that routine is very important for him and is this transition form house to house far to much?  Or is it doing more harm having him not come?

Would Dad flying to him be a better option?

Since the last incident on the plane,  (Which his mother booked him as unaccompanied), she does not want to send him.  Is that a good idea?

I do work with autistic kids.

"Would it be more beneficial for him not to be flying out to see his Dad?"

Not unattended by an adult capable of handling his issues.

"I do understand that routine is very important for him and is this transition form house to house far to much?"

How old is he and what kind of meds/treatment is he getting?

"Or is it doing more harm having him not come?"

No visitation with Dad will definitely cause more harm than good.

"Would Dad flying to him be a better option?"

That is an excellent idea until he is in a good treatment program for kids with autism and a qualified therapist that works with kids with his issues says he is ready to fly on his own.

"Since the last incident on the plane,  (Which his mother booked him as unaccompanied), she does not want to send him.  Is that a good idea?"

Until a good plan can be in place for his issues, yes.  Either Dad flies there and accompanies him back or mom flies with him to Dad's, or Dad just visits there.  This child may never be able to fly on his own.  There are too many issues that come up that an autistic person may not be able to handle.  Given his issues I am surprised the airline allowed Mom to book his ticket that way.  

Also, I should mention he isn't abusing his siblings to be abusive.  Autistic kids have little if any impulse control and major sensory issues.  They are reactionary to their environments and personal boundaries can be non-existent. It is likely he lacks the insight that his behavior is harmful depending on his age.  That is why behavior modification is SO important with these kids.

Then what has changed?

I would think a court would be more amenable to moving all 3 children but he needs to talk to a lawyer in the state with jurisdiction over custody.

He is 12 and currenlty taking Respiradone, Amphtemine Salts and Vyvanse.  He is on the highest dosage allowable for Vyvanse and takes 2.5 pills of the Respiradone per day.  He takes the Amphetmine salts at 3pm daily to "help lessen his aggression".